Whole-Person Wellness Blog: Improving your active listening skills
When someone shares something with me, my brain can often go into “how can I help or when can I respond” mode. In our fast-paced society and culture, our active listening skills can always use a little sharpening.
Active listening is opening yourself to hearing someone’s full message, rather than just waiting for your turn to speak. How can we show up fully present and engaged?
Our July Whole-Person Wellness topic is one of Sanctuary’s Seven Commitments: Open Communication. We will be focusing on the impact of active listening on open communication.
Components of active listening skills:
- Pay full attention.
- Suspend judgment.
- Pause and reflect.
- Ask clarifying or open-ended questions.
- Summarize.
- Share.
Read more in this Stanford University article here.
Another helpful tool I have found in listening is clarifying what the person is looking for regarding sharing the information. I will often ask, ” Are you looking just to be heard in this conversation? Would you like advice or information? Often, that helps guide the dialogue and enhances our communication skills.
Active listening comes with its own challenges. There can be various factors – including cultural barriers, stereotypes, or generalizations – at play, along with feeling overly stimulated by information, external noise, strong emotions, or jumping to conclusions. Lastly, are you in the right mental space to fully listen?
Another large misconception is eye contact when listening. While it can be a sign of respect and presence, that is not always the full picture. Different cultures can have different ideals regarding eye contact. Also, if someone is neurodivergent or experiencing feelings of shame, embarrassment, or another unpleasant emotion, it may make it difficult to maintain eye contact fully. It can also just be uncomfortable!
Some helpful tips: Remain open and curious, allow silence, and seek to understand the words and experiences from that person’s perspective.
A few ways to practice!
- Paraphrasing circle: Have a few people sit in a circle. One person starts by sharing a short story or experience. The person to their left then paraphrases what they heard, focusing on the key points and emotions expressed. The process continues around the circle, with each person paraphrasing the previous speaker’s message.
- Empathy mapping: Divide the group into pairs. Each person takes turns sharing a challenging experience or situation. As they share, their partner creates an empathy map, noting down what the speaker says, thinks, feels, and does. Afterward, the pairs should discuss the empathy maps and reflect on how keeping an open mind helped them better understand each other’s perspectives.
Benefits of active listening:
- It builds trust and safety.
- It allows for empathy and deeper insights.
- It reduces conflict and misalignment.
Read more in this Berkeley University article here.
Want to learn more about active listening? Sign up for an upcoming Mental Health First Aid training here and watch your email for more details about our July workshop.
Remember, active listening is a continued and developed skill. Next time you find yourself in conversation, take a pause, listen with intent, and practice active listening skills. You never know how much someone may need it.
Nous vous remercions,
Allison LaRussa, BA, CPS, RYT
Associate Vice President, Health and Wellness
