失落与社区的力量

失落与社区的力量

在我写这篇文章的时候，气温是华氏零下 4 度。这已经很冷了，但宇宙的基线更冷：华氏零下 455 度！当我们的地球仪在夏天朝向恒星时，恒星会给我们带来温暖，而当我们在冬天偏离恒星时，寒冷就会像 "圣诞老人 "一样悄然而至。 克朗普斯 (西欧民间传说中一个可怕的神话人物）一样悄然而至。冬天失去温暖本不应该让我们感到惊讶，但任何形式的失去通常都会让我们感到惊讶。

悲伤常常让人感到空虚和寒冷。人类创造了在冬季将我们聚集在一起的仪式，这证明了我们的智慧。

当然，你可以继续你的生活，但如果你想了解一下失去和社区仪式与避难所的关系，请继续往下读。

The “L” of the SELF piece in the Sanctuary Model is for Loss. According to the Sanctuary Standards for Certification, it is important for members of an organization to acknowledge and grieve instances of loss and distress, but also to intentionally allow “the past to constructively inform decisions about present and future issues.”

一种思考方式是，所有的变化都会带来损失。医疗保健领域的变化和损失可能是悲剧性的，但也可能是进步的里程碑，比如儿科病人长大成人，从一个医疗服务提供者转到另一个医疗服务提供者；婴儿出生，母亲从妇产科转到家庭医学科；同事升职或换部门；资助结束或开始，不得不重新调整注意力和精力。

Generally, we do not do well with loss. We whisper about therapy the way people used to whisper about cancer. Emotions make us uncomfortable. We whisk our dead away quickly and are even quicker to say “everything is going to be okay” when, in many cases, it won’t. Other individuals have brought rituals of community to help fellow humans through loss, such as sitting shiva and Irish wakes. But as new citizens assimilate such rituals themselves often are lost to an ever-churning progress machine. We don’t take time off, don’t have much patience for sadness, and show our irritation with terms like “stuck in the past.”

The thing about loss is that if we don’t address it head-on, it gets stuck in us.

Physicians like Bessel van der Kolk and Gabor Mate have spoken out for decades about the effect distress has on the body. Diffuse pain, digestive issues, and even heart conditions can be symptoms of unresolved distress. It is more acceptable to stuff our pain with food or drink it away with alcohol than it is to take a yoga break during the workday or seek help from a therapist.

Life can be very cold, and isolation makes it worse. The warmth of community can help with the processing of loss and grief, but all too often we withhold community from one another and ourselves.

To become a Sanctuary organization is to become a place where we come together intentionally in community and engage in rituals to support the processing of not just loss, but the daily challenges of being in health care such as missed visits and disappointing outcomes. This processing is active; it is not dwelling. It is recognition of what happened without varnish or gloss and also intentionally learning the lessons.

这是一项紧张的工作。这项工作要求每一个参与其中的人都要真正地、真正地走进被看见者的舞台--悲伤和一切。美国前总统西奥多-罗斯福在 1910 年发表的《共和国的公民权》演讲中曾说过：

"重要的不是批评家：不是指出强者如何蹒跚学步的人，也不是指出行动者在哪些方面可以做得更好的人。功劳属于真正站在竞技场上的人，他的脸上沾满了尘土、汗水和鲜血，他英勇奋斗，屡屡犯错，屡屡失败，因为任何努力都不可能没有错误和不足，但他知道伟大的热情、伟大的奉献，他为有价值的事业奉献自己；在最好的情况下，他知道最终会取得巨大成就的胜利；在最坏的情况下，如果他失败了，至少他是在大胆尝试的同时失败的，这样他就永远不会与那些既不知道胜利也不知道失败的冷漠和胆怯的灵魂同在。"

为大胆干杯。这里很可怕，也很寒冷，但只要我们一起勇敢，就不会那么可怕。